Friday, May 1, 2009

Brittney and Ben's "Wedding"

My best friend since first grade, Brittney Shutt, was "married" last Sunday to the love of her life, Benjamin Conine. I'm using quotes here because these to lovebirds forgot the teency tiny little minute detail of a wedding certificate. When asked what really mattered - God or the law - Brittney replied "No offense, God, but the law is a little more important." Wicked burn for the G-man. I hope He won't hold it against her and send a plague of locusts to Charlotte, North Carolina. Or the swine flu. Crap, I think I'm going to have to send Brittney's name into the news because it has just hit me that she is probably the reason for this "pandemic." I use quotes here because I'm not really sold on this new biological weapons of mass destruction. Unless it starts turning people into pigs, I'm just going to blame Al Qaida. And Brittney. And while we're on the topic of the "swine flu" - I don't understand how surgical masks are going to prevent people from getting this pig disease. Aren't they still breathing the same air? I would understand if they were wearing Apollo 11-esque astronaut helmets and had their own ventilation system, but I'm pretty sure surgical masks are only going to help you if you're performing an ACL surgery on the little piggy and don't want his blood on your face.

Back to Brittney and Ben's "wedded" bliss. It was a beautiful ceremony at Primrose Cottage in Historic Roswell, followed by a fabulous reception with some real groovy tunes. And good food. Let's be honest. I came for the food. Then we sent Ben and Brittney off to their first night as "man and wife." Personally, I was yelling "unclean! Unclean!" as they went off, unmarried, to copulate. Tsk tsk.

Well, I'm sure this isn't exactly what Brittney had in mind when she asked me to write a blog about her wedding, but I warned her that I have no soul. You would think she would have learned that after our 17 year friendship, but then again, she did forget her marriage license...

I do love you Ben and Brittney and wish you a lifetime of happiness. And cake. I love cake. I'll be there for the cake.